SINGLE REVIEW: Clint Reviews ARIA’s Top Ten Singles Chart as of 3rd June 2013

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I’ve decided to expand my horizons.  I liked pop music when I was a kid, so why not now?  Let’s see what’s changed since 1995 in the world of ‘pop’.  Here are my thoughts as I listen to each track:

10. Bruno Mars – Treasure

Oh hello Funk.  I’m unfamiliar with Bruno Mars, and this was unexpected.  This is a very inoffensive beginning to my Top 10 experience.  Think prime-era Michael Jackson and Stevie Wonder.  Funky, groovy, but in this case, unimaginative.  I don’t hate it, it’s a bit of fun, but I won’t be listening to it again either.

9. Mariah Carey feat. Miguel – #Beautiful

For a song ‘featuring’ Miguel, he gets a lot of airtime; Mariah doesn’t chime in until 1:30.  To be honest, I wish they’d both kept quiet.  The track is musically uninspired.  How this crap was put forward as a single I have no idea.  And to be honest, who buys this shit?  Stick to early 90’s Mariah if this is your thing, at least she showed off her pipes, rather than her legs back then.

8. Paramore – Still Into You

Guitars!  Hoor-…oh wait, it just sounds like Avril Lavigne.

7. Jason Derulo – The Other Side

Autotune.  Die.  Oh, and sampling in the chorus.  How original.  How long does this thing go for?  I’m at 3 minutes and I want to stick a power drill in my ears.  “Are you sure you want to do this?” Derulo asks at the start of the song…

6. Rudimental feat. Ella Eyre – Waiting All Night

Props for the inspiring video, but the tune is the aural equivalent of this:

5. Matt Corby – Resolution

Matt, I can see what you’re trying to do, but ditch the major label polish, play some dives for 12 months, then go and re-record in a garage in Byron Bay, because that’s the sound you’re actually after.

4. Bastille – Pompeii

I hate lazy electronica.  I can’t put my finger on it, but I’ve heard the melody before.  The backing vocals are interesting.  The rest of it’s shit.

3. Passenger – Let Her Go

When did twee indie become popular?  Oh, right, this is all Bon Iver’s fault.  This guy’s voice is incredibly annoying, but other than that it’s probably the least offensive song so far.  I just can’t get over the gloss on these songs.  Don’t people realise that music is supposed to breathe, not bombard?  Go easy on the compressor next time…

2. Daft Punk feat. Pharrell Williams – Get Lucky

So, uh, isn’t this just Jamiroquai in helmets?  I think this is how top 40 radio works, they just bombard you into submission.  After half a dozen songs your brain switches off and you start getting used to it.

1. Robin feat. T.I. & Pharrell – Blurred Lines

THIS is the most popular song in the country right now?  “I take a good girl, I know you want it”.  Cool story, bro.  That shitty Michael Jackson wannabe ‘OH!’ throughout the song is really annoying too.  I have no time for anyone who writes songs about how shit-hot they are.  Compensating for something?

Now for the cleansing:

What have we learned from this little excursion?  People will buy any old crap if you market it well.

By: Clint Morrow

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