SINGLE REVIEW: “Too Loud Too Naked” by Bertie Page Clinic


I have to give a pre-warning here, I’ve never been a fan of Bertie Page Clinic and I feel I need to provide that disclaimer because quite frankly I never really wanted to review anything they released as a band. It’s not because the people in the band are bad human beings or anything like that I just don’t really vibe with the music they make as a group, it just does not resonate with me at all. I’ve got no business reviewing music I have no resonance with.

So why am I reviewing the new single “Too Loud Too Naked” by Bertie Page Clinic then?

Well it was emailed to me via their management team and quite personally I love the challenge of reviewing something that I already know I don’t really like.

Here is the new song from Bertie Page Clinic called “Too Loud Too Naked”

I must admit that whenever anyone mentions the name Bertie Page Clinic to me the first two things that pop into my head are the following:


That may however be due to the following song that they released last year sometime

This new song, I don’t know I just get nothing out of it. I mean the band is tight and everyone plays well and all that but I just don’t understand the point of this song.

I think I’ll let Mike Patton sum it up for me once again:

Sorry Bertie Page Clinic but this is not music that I really enjoy at all, it’s just way too dated and bland for me to even care enough to support it. I know you have a big following and established fan base so this review won’t really serve any purpose but I thought I’d give it a shot and yep, nah, sorry pass.

This music and band are way too dated and careerist for my liking, but then again I’m a miserable complaint rocker so I’m probably the worst person to be reviewing a band like this.

0.5 Cassette tapes out of 10

By: Dan Newton

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6 Replies to “SINGLE REVIEW: “Too Loud Too Naked” by Bertie Page Clinic”

  1. “Careerist”? You mean they are trying to make a living out of music? Like professional musicians? Isn’t that the point?

    Admittedly, I’m not a fan of their music, but the fact that they are out there giving it a really good go garners some respect. “Careerist”… ha

  2. You didn’t really ‘give it a shot’, did you? It’s not a review if you just write about how you don’t like it. Maybe try some actual critical analysis?

    I wouldn’t call this a review. I would call this an opinion piece. My suggestion to ‘Heavy and Weird’ is to change the subject title accordingly.

  3. Im glad you didnt get paid for writing this because its as ordinary a piece of music writing Ive ever come across.

    Ever considered a career in the public service where your lack of talent might be put to good use?

  4. Heavy and Weird is committed to providing a high level of customer service and appreciates any feedback that you may have. Heavy and Weird apologises if we did not meet your service expectations and note that feedback will be provided to the relevant parties. We would like to thank you for taking the time to communicate your concerns to Heavy and Weird. It is feedback such as yours that enables us to further refine and enhance our level of service to the bands we review and the audience who reads our blog. We take this opportunity to offer you an apology on behalf of Heavy and Weird for any inconvenience you have experienced as a result of this review

    Big Love to you All

    The Heavy and Weird Writing Team xo

  5. I’m not sure what all the hubbub is about. Sure, Dan doesn’t like it, but that doesn’t open him up to attack.
    As a counter point to this review, I’d like to say that its not a bad song at all, and while it doesn’t break any new ground or push many boundries, I don’t think that is the point. Its got enough pop hooks to be catchy, builds in intensity and features everything fans of retro rock and BPC want. Not sure about the guitar tone (a wee bit squawky) but that’s just an aural aesthetic thing on my part.
    The best part about “Too Loud, Too Naked” is that the comedy element is abesent, or at least incredibly subtle.

  6. Shit. I’ve been writing for the music press since 1997, and am pretty shocked by what’s going down. I got one complaint in my whole time through the grapevine about apparently making a band sound stupid in an interview. They were stupid, I didn’t my best. But the band rebutting the review? Doesn’t make sense, unless they want to destroy their own credibility. There are just some things you don’t do if you don’t want to be seen as a band full of knuckles. If I were you… I’d appreciate the awesome publicity they’ve been giving you.whilst making themselves as a band look unprofessional, petty, and ridiculously clueless. I read your review. I got it. You’re not into them and you’re still not into them, but you still bothered to give put your time into giving them press which I just read as being uninterested and unmoved. It’s awesomely hilarious though. Peace,

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